It’s been a while since I wrote up a Cat Tuesday publicly but today’s the day. I’ve been really struggling with discouragement the last twenty-four hours or so—the feeling of pushing so hard and believing so much, and then hitting a brick wall of Nope. Even if I think more of that “nope” is coming from my subconscious and old conditioning than real circumstances this time. I’ve just felt overwhelmed.
So I drew my two cards today, and was advised that the larger card was their message for me and it was overcoming the smaller card, which is everything I irrationally fear in this moment.
Ace of Fire – The fire is there: passion, creativity, inspiration, strength (whether I see it or not) and the time to grab the future by the balls is now. Don’t wait. Don’t down. I have the fire.
Seven of Pentacles (Reversed) – I fear investing (time, energy, heart, money, all of it) in something that won’t and can’t succeed and offer returns. I’m afraid I’m putting everything in the wrong place and it’ll all be for nothing. (SPOILER ALERT: I’m not.)
Since I was feeling adrift, I asked for a full reading (which one of my cats promptly walked through the middle of—good omen?) for where I am and what’s going on right now. They’re always telling me they’re my clan and I need to trust in them and let them *be* my clan…so here goes…
(Cat-sensei interpreted them for me, so there’s more direct advice than I usually see in the cards. I barely knew what I was writing until I looked back after.)
Three of Sky (Where I Am) – I’m at the edge of compromising who I am and what I stand for out of loneliness and in hope of finding companions. I’m screaming into the void because it feels like no one’s listening, but I’m in danger of losing sight of what I really care about along the way.
Three of Earth (Crossing) – Teamwork among friends makes all things easier. As it is, alone, I’m expecting the impossible.
Six of Fire Reversed (Next Step) – Jealousy and resentment stand against me as I try to step forward. Where I see only my own fears and failures, others see something very different and resent my pain and struggles—both for their own culpability and for my inability to be the strong guiding light they want.
The Hermit Reversed (Something Past Still Affecting) – Forced isolation. First, in the beginning, I was driven into silence and lonesomeness. Now it’s come to be what I expect and I don’t know how to trust anyone or reach out again. What happened before was terrible and unfair, but now I’m the only one who can remake that choice and change my path.
Three of Sea Reversed (The Present) – Division. Failed friendships. It feels like everyone is going their own ways, everything is crumbling, and everyone cares only about number one and nothing for connection or anyone else. This, too, will pass.
Four of Sea (The Future) – Sometimes kitties are moody. It’s happened before and will again; feeling discouraged is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t expect to change my spirit or my nature: those who feel most keenly experience both the best and the worst. Let it be. Even try to embrace the ebb and flow of feeling.
Fire Kitten Reversed (My Internal Feelings) – I doubt my fiery heart and soul and whether they will be strong enough to carry me through—maybe even whether there’s any beauty in the fire at all. Don’t despair. The flames of inspiration and drive run strong in me and in time they’ll reignite from the embers and leap back to the surface. Don’t give up.
Ace of Sea Reversed (My Environment) – Unlike the Force, feelings do not run strong in my family. I feel crushed and stifled by the constant shame to control and bury everything. It’s okay to grieve—for all the pain, the lost chances, everything that might have been—but don’t grieve forever.
Ten of Fire (What Is Hidden) – The fire is waiting inside me, more powerful that I can yet know. It’s more than I can understand yet, more than I can handle. I feel burned out, abandoned—but it’s only because I’m not yet ready for everything that’s in store, waiting for me.
Five of Fire (Outcome) – Fight’s on. Call it an “ordeal” maybe. I’m going to struggle—for now—and it’s going to teach me what I need to know: to stand up for myself, to believe and have faith—not just in them, but in me too. It’s going to suck. But it’ll be worth it. Just remember: in the end, we’re all on the same side and it’s better to uplift than tear down, to support than to feud with.
Well…wow…if there was ever a reading that feels true in the moment, then this is it. Honest enough to hurt hearing, but hopeful enough to inspire. Looks like things are going to be rough for a little while yet as I struggle through some things—(and what else is new? 😛 ) and maybe I really shouldn’t be surprised: that’s what my yearlong reading said, too, and everything I was promised. The best of times, the worst of times, and in the end this year will change everything and be a time to look back on with nostalgia later.
I also (finally) finished today the anklet for the Cats I’ve been working on the last several weeks each Tuesday. I know I have a tendency sometimes to focus on the trials and not celebrate the successes enough—and I’ve had so many with them this year so far. Also, for most of my people, clan is perhaps the most important association they’ll have…but for me it isn’t so simple and I’ve felt sometimes that they’re worried I’ll forget them. This way I can carry something of them with me all the time.
Love, y’all. Meow. 😻