Cat Tuesday – 6/13/17

Happy Tuesday, Catday! *meow*

I’ve missed the last two weeks’ meeting with Cat-sensei, unfortunately. But I’m back on form today and she asked me to do a bit more intensive five-card draw today instead of the usual two, and all from the same deck:

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Present Situation: Seven of Sea Reversed – Confusion and illusions are lifting. Time to trust what I know and that it’s safe to make decisions and move ahead with action.

Significant Past Factor: Eight of Earth Reversed – I’ve been so focused on work (or Work) for the last while that I’ve lost the joy and excitement of it all. No more of that.

Advice: Four of Sea – It’s okay to feel uninspired or down sometimes. Take it in stride. It’ll pass in time.

What Must Be Accepted: Nine of Earth Reversed – Too long I’ve been hiding behind my protective walls alone. Time to step out and see what the wider world has to offer. There’s good stuff out there.

Future Outcome: Nine of Sea – Everything I’ve been dreaming of can happen. It’s all out there if I’m just open to it and don’t give up.

I think I’m getting better at readings…or maybe my guides are getting better at leading me exactly the right way? All my draws lately have been crazy dead-on and all interconnected.

There’s literally *nothing* new here. Every single one of these cards is speaking to messages I’ve been getting from all over: from Everybody, every reading with every deck, every random sign, every song on shuffle, every conversation with Anyone. It’s getting really weird. Haha 😛

I’m listening, Y’all… 😉

A Year Of Animal Spirits, Month Six: Crane

Happy June everyone! It’s now Crane month for me.

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I know almost nothing about the Cranes I’ll be working with this month. I barely even know anything about their animal icon in general. Guess I should grab a book and do some reading so I’ll be able to pick up on and contextualize their lessons and symbolism a bit better…

So I really have no idea what this month will bring. Although weaving each other flower crowns and dancing through the woods or something like that would be pretty awesome about now after all this deep and serious stuff lately. 😛 😉

Cat Tuesday – 5/16/17

Hello, Cats…

Not quite sure how my Cat Tuesday readings became A Thing here regularly again, but it’s feeling like a part of my journey that matters lately and that they want me to share so here we go:

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Six of Sky – Walk away from shit that sucks. Even if I was excited about it in the beginning. Especially if I was excited about it way back.

The Fool (Reversed) – Don’t be reckless.

*sigh*

I think I know what this week’s reading is about, even if Cat-sensei is playing coy. Two Certain Someones have seemed like They were back around lately, just out of sight–and my magickal wards. And in a moment of weakness I gave Them a temporary in…and I probably shouldn’t. (Now closed again; no worries.)

Doesn’t change that despite my best efforts, They still have a foothold on my heart. And I still think I’m probably going to have to square with that someday because I’m really not that good at hating.

But message received: Not This Day (…or any day soon).

Okie-dokie, got it.

Sorry, guys…

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A Year Of Animal Spirits, Month Five: Frog

I’m a few days late finishing my new altar set-up (what else is new, haha) but it’s now the Month of the Frog. Whoo hoo!

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Not going to lie, I love frogs. I have since I was little. It was my (mortal) brother’s fave animal in childhood and we played out whole stories about the lives of frogs in the back of our old van during vacation trips. And when we were rebuilding our family garage (because we built rooms onto our house in the back so a car no longer fit and it had to be extended) the rock-workers left piles of sand in our yard for a while and we had hundreds of frogs that year—before the street kitties came along—and so we built them a sand “frog palace” for the duration of that summer.

In the Otherworlds, I know the Frogs are the Free Court’s healers. Unlike the Ravens, who are transitional, and the Serpents (Grandma is the only one…at least for now) who are catastrophic life-and-death types, the Frogs are ordinary healers. More like general practitioners. They specialize in minor wound treatment, poisoning, and `midwifery.

I’m not sure I’d be here as I am without them. Grandma Eshla and some of the eldest of the Frogs in the Court worked together to help with my astral healing late last year when all my old astral wounds tore back open.

I’m not sure what the lessons of this month will be. Maybe it will be healing. Or maybe it will be honing my own (rusty but I’m told non-trifling, I’m told) healing skills.

Whatever…seems good to me.

Running Free With Horses

My month of the Horse is drawing to a close now. In many ways, it felt pretty quiet. I knew from the beginning that it would include a journey, which happened over the last few days. But looking back, I see their influence more than I did at the time.

All this month I’ve felt this compulsion toward wide openness. I’ve been looking at pictures of broad plains, thinking back and reliving my experiences traveling across the Midwest. The feeling of looking out across that sort of vastness, of running wild across that kind of expanse, has kept popping into my head and following me. Which is a little strange, because while I love visiting and marveling at that sort of land, in general I’m much more drawn to crazy varied terrain like mountains and forests and waterfall cliffs and stuff like that.

It took me most of the month to realize it was the Horses’ subtle influence. As the other clans before them, they were taking this month to show me what mattered to them so I could understand and protect it for them in my Work. Freedom. Openness. Nomadic life. Untamed adventure.

There’s quite a large clan of Horses in the Court. And I knew from Autumn Equinox last year that they served as a “welcoming committee” to help newcomers settle in and build their caravans when they arrive and join us.

I’ve learned this year that they’re also our traders. The Court makes/grows/hunts much of what we need, but there are some things we can’t and the Horses (being super hospitable and loving their nomadic freedom particularly) travel to other Kingdoms in the Between—of which there are many—to trade for us. Their groups are each accompanied by at least one Wolf protector.

So I went on one of these trips. The Ravens scouted particularly our path and a Wolf besides my twin came with us for protection even though we really didn’t need it. For my part, it was a longer-term bi-location that’s harder to maintain and I don’t do very often.

The kingdom we went to was…interesting. As I understand it, anyone who can carve out a piece of this astral Wild West can style themselves “King in the Between” and build a new mini-realm. So anything can exist here. This is not just a world of exiles but also of pop culture spirits and thought-forms and tulpas and emanations. It’s one of the most interesting and most dangerous things about the Between: because of its liminality and inherent instability, pretty much anything anyone can imagine can (and probably does) live here somewhere.

The Horses say they’ve been to this kingdom many times and become quite familiar with the traders here and their lord that they call “The Wolf King.” They said he falls under the umbrella of pop-culture spirits and it’s my first real contact with anything in that schema. I still don’t really know what that means or how it happens—whether that means these people are created by works of fiction or that they have at some point lent their image or name or story or some inspiration to a book for movie we here would know, just that my People say it *does* happen. If that’s true of this person it must be from something I don’t know, though, because he was totally unfamiliar to me.

It was kind of fun, traveling somewhere new like this. I really don’t go very many places Out There anymore—whereas I used to journey all over for one reason or another, over the last year plus I’ve been basically an astral homebody. So this was the first new place I’ve been in…probably about ten months, and it reminded me of the excitement I used to have seeing new places Out There I had all but forgotten.

Thanks for the adventure, Horses!

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Cat Tuesday – 4/18/17

It’s been a while since I wrote up a Cat Tuesday publicly but today’s the day. I’ve been really struggling with discouragement the last twenty-four hours or so—the feeling of pushing so hard and believing so much, and then hitting a brick wall of Nope. Even if I think more of that “nope” is coming from my subconscious and old conditioning than real circumstances this time. I’ve just felt overwhelmed.

So I drew my two cards today, and was advised that the larger card was their message for me and it was overcoming the smaller card, which is everything I irrationally fear in this moment.

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Ace of Fire – The fire is there: passion, creativity, inspiration, strength (whether I see it or not) and the time to grab the future by the balls is now. Don’t wait. Don’t down. I have the fire.

Seven of Pentacles (Reversed) – I fear investing (time, energy, heart, money, all of it) in something that won’t and can’t succeed and offer returns. I’m afraid I’m putting everything in the wrong place and it’ll all be for nothing. (SPOILER ALERT: I’m not.)

Since I was feeling adrift, I asked for a full reading (which one of my cats promptly walked through the middle of—good omen?) for where I am and what’s going on right now. They’re always telling me they’re my clan and I need to trust in them and let them *be* my clan…so here goes…

(Cat-sensei interpreted them for me, so there’s more direct advice than I usually see in the cards. I barely knew what I was writing until I looked back after.)

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Three of Sky (Where I Am) – I’m at the edge of compromising who I am and what I stand for out of loneliness and in hope of finding companions. I’m screaming into the void because it feels like no one’s listening, but I’m in danger of losing sight of what I really care about along the way.

Three of Earth (Crossing) – Teamwork among friends makes all things easier. As it is, alone, I’m expecting the impossible.

Six of Fire Reversed (Next Step) – Jealousy and resentment stand against me as I try to step forward. Where I see only my own fears and failures, others see something very different and resent my pain and struggles—both for their own culpability and for my inability to be the strong guiding light they want.

The Hermit Reversed (Something Past Still Affecting) – Forced isolation. First, in the beginning, I was driven into silence and lonesomeness. Now it’s come to be what I expect and I don’t know how to trust anyone or reach out again. What happened before was terrible and unfair, but now I’m the only one who can remake that choice and change my path.

Three of Sea Reversed (The Present) – Division. Failed friendships. It feels like everyone is going their own ways, everything is crumbling, and everyone cares only about number one and nothing for connection or anyone else. This, too, will pass.

Four of Sea (The Future) – Sometimes kitties are moody. It’s happened before and will again; feeling discouraged is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t expect to change my spirit or my nature: those who feel most keenly experience both the best and the worst. Let it be. Even try to embrace the ebb and flow of feeling.

Fire Kitten Reversed (My Internal Feelings) – I doubt my fiery heart and soul and whether they will be strong enough to carry me through—maybe even whether there’s any beauty in the fire at all. Don’t despair. The flames of inspiration and drive run strong in me and in time they’ll reignite from the embers and leap back to the surface. Don’t give up.

Ace of Sea Reversed (My Environment) – Unlike the Force, feelings do not run strong in my family. I feel crushed and stifled by the constant shame to control and bury everything. It’s okay to grieve—for all the pain, the lost chances, everything that might have been—but don’t grieve forever.

Ten of Fire (What Is Hidden) – The fire is waiting inside me, more powerful that I can yet know. It’s more than I can understand yet, more than I can handle. I feel burned out, abandoned—but it’s only because I’m not yet ready for everything that’s in store, waiting for me.

Five of Fire (Outcome) – Fight’s on. Call it an “ordeal” maybe. I’m going to struggle—for now—and it’s going to teach me what I need to know: to stand up for myself, to believe and have faith—not just in them, but in me too. It’s going to suck. But it’ll be worth it. Just remember: in the end, we’re all on the same side and it’s better to uplift than tear down, to support than to feud with.

Well…wow…if there was ever a reading that feels true in the moment, then this is it. Honest enough to hurt hearing, but hopeful enough to inspire. Looks like things are going to be rough for a little while yet as I struggle through some things—(and what else is new? 😛 ) and maybe I really shouldn’t be surprised: that’s what my yearlong reading said, too, and everything I was promised. The best of times, the worst of times, and in the end this year will change everything and be a time to look back on with nostalgia later.

I also (finally) finished today the anklet for the Cats I’ve been working on the last several weeks each Tuesday. I know I have a tendency sometimes to focus on the trials and not celebrate the successes enough—and I’ve had so many with them this year so far. Also, for most of my people, clan is perhaps the most important association they’ll have…but for me it isn’t so simple and I’ve felt sometimes that they’re worried I’ll forget them. This way I can carry something of them with me all the time.

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Love, y’all. Meow. 😻

Elf Problems

There’s this coffee shop I go to regularly and lately I’ve been getting weirdly sick partway through each visit—stomach burning, feeling faint, heart fluttering, face getting all tingly, feeling weak and shaky. Different foods, different drinks, and it made no real difference.

Today it was bad enough I ended up having to leave early. And it finally hit me: each time, I start feeling bad about mid- to late-afternoon…when I switch from hot drinks to cold (which I didn’t used to do). The only thing the drinks have in common is the ice, which doesn’t taste good so it must just be their city tap water and I was especially crunching on today (guess that bad habit finally bit me 😛 ).

On my way home, Kintár showed up in the car all concerned and said (I guess he could tell through our magick twinsie-bond) that I had iron poisoning and what did I do?

And then it all clicked and it makes perfect since. Oldish city, oldish building equals steel water pipes…which is then in the ice. And because of my whole elf-soul-in-a-human-body-thing, I’m allergic to iron and steel. *sigh*

I’ve been told the whole iron stereotype is not true for all “races” of elves, but certainty it is for those my soul hails from. Among grandmother’s people, it burns to touch, fucks with their magick, and generally weakens them—and although through exposure and magickal ordeal, they can develop resistance or even immunity in time, it’s still considered Not Good and I haven’t been through anything like that anyway. The ellyllon (another group of elf spirits named in Welsh and some Scottish lore) that Grandfather comes from are even more susceptible, well into don’t touch, don’t bring it into their presence, makes them very ill territory.

It’s been a matter of curiosity Out There how my twin and I would be affected, given that our soul-father was not an elf-spirit. But it seems that between Grandfather’s heritage and the fact that our elf side is by far the dominant one…yep, no Get Out Of Iron Allergy Free card for us.

Fortunately, I know people who know how to counter iron poisoning. Apparently it’s ellyllon knowledge that now the whole Free Court has and Kintár passed to me: he said if I ingested iron, then ingest copper to counter it and then go and sit out outside and lit my energy ground and commune with nature (which might be some of the elfyist advice I’ve ever heard, haha). And it actually *worked.*

It took me almost an hour to drive home (I was meeting a friend and the shop is near her house) and didn’t feel any better, maybe even worse; within about seven minutes of doing this, it made worlds of difference. I looked it up after and can find no reason why it should have helped like that; in fact, copper supplements are one of those that usually make most people feel sick and nauseous, not feel better. Also, strangely, years ago I used to carry a solid copper ring because I’d randomly start feeling sick sometimes and suck on it because it helped…I guess I was taught this Before and maybe subconsciously remembered when I needed it then? (***BTW, not endorsing or advocating that anyone follow my example here; I’m no MD and know jack-shit but what crazy stuff works for me.)

I guess things like this happening really shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but they still do. I’ve gotten so used to having no “proof” that any of my weirdness is real, that it always shocks me a bit when I’m hit in the face with it like this. It’s the sort of thing I’d write off as insanity…only my p/People have warned me that human body or not, if I ignore my true self I’ll create for myself a world of difficulty I could avoid. If it hurts my soul-people, it’ll still hurt me; if it helps them, it’ll still help me—whether anyone on this plane can explain why or not so basically I should get used to being a medical freak. *sigh*

Some days I feel infinitely more crazy and weird than others…and this is definitely one of those days. 😜